Flying my Freak Flag

Source: thecodeis1234.wordpress.com via Christopher on Pinterest

Just saw this on Pinterest.
Kinda' perfect timing, actually.

I know I am weird. random. silly. crazy, even. I am okay with that... because it is who I am. It's what I do. It's what makes me ME.

But sometimes, I feel like I should be different; change who I am. Change how I behave and act. Temper myself a bit. Calm down ...

Maybe if I did do that, things would be different. "good" different and "bad" different. I don't really know ....

Thoughts running through my mind as I battle the eternal enemies of self-doubt, self esteem, and growing up. People don't always understand that,though I may come across as a confident individual, that is not always the case. I doubt myself in many avenues of my life. I doubt my abilities...my gifts.

Please don't misunderstand what I am saying .... I know I am the child of The King. I know I am blessed and highly favored. I NEVER doubt where I stand in Christ and my relationship with Him.
It's ALL on my end.
The evil one trying to steal my joy.
Dang him :/

The Good News: I am loved. I am me. I am an original, no matter how weird and crazy I am.

.... I just may develop a complex of sorts.

no. big. deal.

uhhhmmmmm ..... yeah

way too many things running through my mind these days.

People, places, ideas. Funny things. Sad things. Complicated things. Exciting things.

Possibilities.

One thing remains the same... apart from the constant sick feeling in my stomach :/

God loves me. He is looking out for me. He is guiding my life, and the lives of those around me, moment by moment.

other things running through my mind:

God is able.
He directs my path.
His love is like a hurricane, and I am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
Rich or poor, God I want you more than anything that glitters in this world...
His love endures~ FOREVER His love endures
Walk by faith not by sight.
I love you with an everlasting love

Most of these are bits from songs, seeing as how music <3 is my remedy .... but nonetheless, these are truths that I needed to hear... truths I need reminding of every second.

But each day the Lord pours His unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing His songs, praying to the God who gives me life ~ Psalms 42:8

Random, I know.
but I am random.
My thoughts are all over.
it's okay.
I know I am weird ;)

Doors and Windows

Doors and windows.

When they are open, you can see through to the next room. The wind blowing through the trees. Family and friends laughing. Someone pulling into your driveway. You can feels the cool autumn breeze blowing on your face. Smell dinner cooking away.The three little rabbits that live in your backyard eating your flowers. The smell of fresh cut grass.

When windows and doors are open, you have a glimpse into what is going on in the world around you. You can see whats coming at you.

When they are shut, you are closed off to things. From the crying baby in the next room. From the sound of your neighbor mowing his lawn. You can't see the weather shift outside. There is a lot you can't be apart of if both your doors and windows are shut.

I could go a few different directions with this one idea. But these are the thoughts that have been running through my head lately. The words "doors and windows" keep playing like a record in my mind. I hate it. But, at the very same time, it is reassuring. Comforting even.

We have all heard the saying that God never closes a door without opening a window. I know this phrase has truth to it. Never in my life have I been so desperate for God to open a window for me. I feel doors shutting all around me, and sometimes I feel like I might go crazy. But I know there is a window. And I am just going to have to trust in the fact that when the Lover of my Soul decides to open a window in this room I am in, that I will be able to walk to that window and breathe deeply. He is good like that .... ever faithful and true :)

I don't know where He is taking me. But He has me here. Now. In this moment. And He brought me here. What am I to do ?? Tell the God of the universe that He is crazy and doesn't know where He is going and what He is doing ??? Uhhhh ..... NO. I am not the one driving this car ....

In the mean time, Father God, help me to sit patiently in this room. Help me to remember that I am not alone in here.... that this is a waiting time for me. A time of rest, prayer, relaxation. A time to just sit under Your wings and let Your love pour over me. A time for you to shape me into the woman you would have me to be. Help my heart and mind let go of the things I need to let go of. Ease the pain of this transitional part of life. Increase my joy. Fill my cup untill it runs over. Remove anything that you find undesirablre within my heart.

Oh, biscuits ..... here we go :)

It's been awhile. I feel like so many things have gone on. Changed. Still yet, many things remain the same.

*** this was a draft for awhile, so if it feels like I am talking about summer like it was yesterday, it's because at the time I originally wrote this, summer WAS yesterday :D ****



It's been a great summer! Long, lazy days by the pool. Family. Friends. Spur of the moment trips to places not so close to home. Changes ...





Changes are bittersweet for me. We moved alot when I was young,so change was inevitable. So I learned to enjoy the challenges of moving-new rooms to decorate, new friends, new schools. But the very things I looked forward to, I also was apprehensive about. This is probably why I am so good at just walking up to people and introducing myself, saying hi, etc. I guess it's a sink or swim kinda' deal ... I chose to swim :)


This summer was no exception. We as people tend to just fall into a rhythm of things. It's easy. it's comfortable. And again, as people, we are creature of habit and comfort :)


I guess that's why I am a bit bittersweet about seeing this summer come to and end. Now, normally, I greet fall with open arm, as I hate the humidity of summer, but I'm not as anxious this time around. My beautiful, loving nieces are turning eight and nine. My most handsomest little "nephew" turned one. I said so-long to my "adoptive" brother as he headed off to college. Maybe it's me being hormonal, or maybe it's the fact that I turned 30, but I am just having a harder time with theses types of things lately.


All of these birthdays, graduations, people moving are reminders to me of how precious our relationships are... of how precious our time is.


I don't regret loving people. I don't regret building relationships, however long or short-lived they are. I won't take back a second by the pool. A second on the phone. or on FB connecting with those I care about....... I wont take back the late nights, the early mornings , the long car trips, the long lazy days, texting, the short weekends, the laughter, and even the tears.

Life is short. I am trying to make memories here, people ;)

"Not Alone" Lyrics - RED - Until We Have Faces

Firstly, I <3 RED. Secondly, this song is amazing. The lyrics are a reminder to me of how much I am loved, and that through it all, I am never alone. Favorite line is located in the bridge...

" when you are finally in My arms, look up and see, Love has a face"

Pretty epic, I'd say.

The Maker of the stars holds me in his arms, day in and day out. All He wants is for me to receive His love and light..... His peace. He calms the seas with a whisper. He moves mountains.
His face is beauty, and I look forward to the day where I can see it before me.

How blessed are we ?!?! "LOVE" .... it has a face.... thanks to the gift from the Father.

That face ....the face of pure Love... belongs to my Savior.

Blessed beyond measure.

Hold Me

This songs says it ... it says it all <3

Healing Rain and Fire ...

What a weekend !!!! Busy, long, exhausting ... but on the other end of it, I feel renewed, refreshed, awakened, healed, loved, and ALIVE !!! ( excluding the present moment, as my body seems to be hating me .... )

Let me start by saying that God is good, so good. As of late I have been feeling, hmmm.... I have been feeling "blah" , for a lack of a better word. I feel like I have been going through the motions of things. Being at things and doing things, but not really being there. Does that make sense to you? I could feel things changing inside of me ... less patience, lack of compassion, bad attitude towards things and people .... and trust me when I say that this is NOT me, and people were noticing. And I hate that people noticed, as I like to think that I have my emotions under control and that I can put on my brave face ( more to come on this part ). Either way, I am blessed and grateful that Yahweh has put His people in my life to *lovingly* point these things out to me. I am thankful that, as I try to lead a life of transparency, that I am in fact being somewhat transparent.

I don't like to talk to people about my "issues", as I want to be a blessing to them and not burden them. I am the person people come to when they are in need. and I don't want any part of that to change. But in order for me to be effective and nurturing, there are things I need to do to keep my self spiritually healthy. I am realizing more and more that I NEED to share my heart. even the parts of my heart that I have no desire to talk about. So began my journey of sharing ...

This past weekend, thousands of young people met at the Breslin Center at Michigan State University for Acquire the Fire (ATF). ATF is a spiritual revival. To challenge today's culture to take the love of Christ into the world. To heal the broken. To be healed ourselves, and how to begin that road of healing.I had known of this youth revival since I was 15, but never attended. As a 29 year old youth leader, I was blessed to be apart of it. Hundreds of people were spiritually broken and renewed this last weekend. Some renewed their faith, some came to know my Redeemer for the very first time. There was a point during worship that someone in the stadium just started whaling, and crying ... this deep, soulful cry ... one of brokenness and love. It was a beautiful sound that gave me "goosebumps". I found myself spending so much time just praying for the thousands around me. Praying that God would break down walls, and reveal His truth to there hearts. That the scales would be removed from the eyes and that they would see, TRULY see, what God has in store for them. So that they would hear His song of love for them. But the funniest thing happened. As I was praying for everyone else, I myself started feeling the unfurling inside of me.

I haven't allowed myself to really cry for a few months now. A few tears here and there, "surface" tears, as I like to call them, but no real, hear-felt tears. I have detached myself from so many things so that I *wouldn't* cry, and here I was at an event were the theme was "Collision: Mending the Broken Hearted" .... what was I thinking was going to happen. I had told one of my dear friends on Friday night that I didn't think I was ready to deal with everything that was going to happen that weekend. He put his arm around me, looked me in the eye, and said, "Yes Drey, you can." And he was right. So right.

As I lifted my hands in worship, and prayed, and asked God to completely heal me , He did just that. He sang over me with His love. Yahweh reminded me of His truths. That He had already forgave and forgot, and that He needed me to do the same. That as far as the east is from the west , so far are my sins removed against me. Don't misunderstand what I am saying... I know my Jesus died to save me . I know my God has forgiven me for things in this life. I KNOW all of these things. I KNOW He loves me with an everlasting love, a love that*never* fails. It was all on my end. It was me being my own worst enemy. Not being able to truly forgive myself... and because of that, I was letting Satan have a hold on me. And I was weary of all of that .... bone tired, soul weary.

As the the walls came down, the tears came. And they came. As I tried to hold them back one last time, I started to laugh . A laugh of surrender. Who was I to keep fighting the Risen King ?? So as I laughed, and cried, and cried, I was being healed. The tears were being exchanged for comfort, love, and surrender. And for the first time in my life, I could actually *feel* the arms of my Savior holding me. Call me crazy, but I could actually *feel* Jesus holding me in his arms, and all I could was put my head on His shoulders and let Him love me. I remember thinking, "people may think I am crazy for this, but I don't care." There was a time when people could actually have a conversation with him face to face. A time when all He needed to do was reach out and touch your finger tip, and your life would be forever changed. To say this isn't possible is like trying to fit an ocean in a cup. God is EVERYWHERE and can do ANYTHING, so why couldn't He be at the Breslin Center holding His daughter ? it was something I will never forget, and pray that I can experience that again someday. either way, I know my God is always with me, to the end of time. In every situation. In every moment, and every choice.

I can't continue to put things in a vault and lock them away, and then only deal with them when it is *convenient* for me. This is not what God had intended for our relationship. He wants every part of me, and I need to learn how to share it. Although He knows everything about me without me verbalizing things, He stills wants me to trust him enough, and to love him enough, to bring it to His feet. So .... in my striving to lead a life of love and transparency, I need to to let go. let go of it all.

So begins the the next step ... living. Living without holding back. Experiencing things for the purpose of seeing things the way He would see things. Knowing that through it all, there will be joy and pain. They go hand in hand when You trust the Maker of the stars. Because being refined by fire is a purification process. A process that will certainly bring about discomfort, but also one that will bring about beauty that is beyond comprehension. In case you haven't figured it out yet, my God is in the business of restoration, and I am ready for it. Ready for every step of it .... because wherever He is, I want to be there , too.

Addison Road - What do I know of Holy with lyrics

Music is "it" for me. It's a way of communication ...it is a direct line to my heart. It speaks volumes when you don't have the words to say. Music is my language of love. Music is my venue of worship. You are going to find that I post many music videos and quote many of my favorite songs. Lyrics say it all. This song is amazing. I just listen .... sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, at times I just pray and take in every word. It makes me realize how utterly insignificant I am compared to the universe . In a world where it is all about "me" and not "others", it gives you some insight . The line of "where have I even stood but the shore along your ocean " gets me every time. It challenges me to know my Savior all the more ... to know just how much He loves me, how He cares for me. And it touches on who God really is. It's a hard concept for us to wrap our minds around , one that I don't think we will fully grasp until we get to heaven. But to know the Father, we must know and accept the Son, because Jesus is a reflection of God and His heart for us. Its says in the song, " are you fire ? are fury? are you sacred? are you beautiful?" Do we know God enough to know when He is touching our lives ... He reaches out and want to hold you in His arms. Our God wants to sing His love over you, He want this life to be REAL for you, He want to give you His peace and Love. How blessed are we ? What do YOU know of Holy ?

Work in Progress

Today was a trainwreck. period. I was all over the place, yet I remained in the same spot ....does that make sense ? I realize my worst day is nothing compared to another's worst day, and at the end of the day , I had a house to come home to, a family that loves me, amazing friends to support me, and my God whose love is unfailing. But nonetheless, I am thankful the day is done. And I am thankful that the work within me is never done. I am in constant flux...ever-changing , ever-bending, ever-moving. I am happy to be that way ( I haven't always felt that way, but once again, God is showing me areas of improvement) . Yes, predictable is nice, comforting even. But growth doesn't happen in my comfort zone. It happens in the unpleasant,disturbing,challenging,trying, awkward moments of my life. At the end of the day, it comes down to this : If I am choosing the path of my Savior, I need to be ready, have a teachable spirit, and be willing to go where He leads me. He is the only one who knows what that path is, I just pray for the eyes to see His nudgings. God is awesome like that .....always loving, faithful, true to His word, forgiving, supporting, guiding me. So, I will keep trusting, keep serving , patiently wait, and keep my eyes on His glorious and beautiful face. " Father God, mold me into the woman you would have me to be. Shape me and pour Your Love, Life, and Peace into me. Lead me to Your cross, refine me, and lead me to Your heart. ~ Amen <3

Can you imaginge what it would have been like to walk hand in hand in the Garden with the Creator of the universe .... the One who breathed life into your very existence ?
That's the way it was meant to be. A relationship so close that we couldn't fathom His great LOVE for us.... it would be undeniable. We couldn't look away from his beautiful face. That is the realtionship I want with my God.
Close. Intimate. Breath taking. Awesome. Unity. Filling my needs. Praising His Glory. Tears. Laughter. Sacrifice.
I want this....I crave this.
What would we do to have this? It is free to us, all we need to do is accept it. He is waiting with arms open wide...ready to hold you in His arms. To hold your hand. To breathe life into you.
What do I need to do to make this relationship go the distance ?

Passion

We say we are passionate about many things ....but TRUE passion is something you would die for. The one thing you have to do in this life...need to do. I enjoy many things, and at one point in my life called them "passions" , but how many of those things would I die for ? To be honest,not many.
What would you give your life for ? What do you devote your time to ?
I love music, I love helping people, I love my pupcake, Cupid, I love my family, I love making a difference in the lives of others. I enjoy my work ( most of the time :D ).
But, the one thing I am most passionate about, something I would die for...something I have already died for, is my Jesus. I chose to die to myself, and continually choose to die to self , so that I decrease and my Lord increases. To know Him, to love Him, to share Him with others....that is what I am passionate about. He gave His life for me so that I may LIVE .... how many people do you know would do that for you ?

Give me one pure and Holy passion,

give me one magnificent obsession,

give me glorious ambition for my life,

To KNOW and FOLLOW hard after You

to know and follow hard after You,

to grow as Your disciple in Your TRUTH,

this world is empty,pale, and poor,

compared to knowing You my Lord,

LEAD me on and I will follow after You,

Jesus, lead me on and I follow after You

Uhmmmm ....

Do you ever find yourself just sitting there...thinking...about absolutely nothing, and then it hits you ....BAM , right between the eyes ??? That there is something you should be doing, places you need to be, people you need to be impacting ???

I try too much. I want to please everybody, all of the time. I can't. I shouldn't. That's not my job, it's God's.

All I am suppose to do is soak in His radiant Light and Love, refresh, get to know the heart of my Creator , and as a by-product of that, people will be blessed.

A friend of mine, and the youth pastor at my church gave a message a few weeks back to our youth kids ( Eleveate Student Ministries ). He said we need to be a sponge... a well saturated sponge. a sponge that has a constant flow of water on it and a sponge that, when sqeezed, has water coming out of it. Does this make sense to you ? A dry sponge is not serving its purpose. A wet sponge that doesn't have a constant flow of water on it will eventaully dry out when the " big squeeze" comes on. In this life, we need to be immersed in God's word, soaking in all he has for us so that when the pressures come ...and they will come, my friend .... we don't run dry and dry out. My goal: to becme a well saturated sponge :) Are you up for the challenge ....

We all get busy, crazy with obligations and committments, but let's make a pact : that we will give the Lover of our souls the best of us everyday,every moment, and commit to knowing our Father's heart more than we do now. what do we have to lose ? Moreover, look at all we have to gain <3