Thursday, January 26, 2012

Dependence on Him

My Power flows freely into weak ones aware of their need for Me.
So take heart: Though the journey your on is one of faltering steps, such steps of dependence are links to My presence.

Today you feel the journey more than usual. It's a challenge to take the next step- and all too easy to be aware of your neediness. Sometimes you get discouraged about your ongoing weakness. You know that dependence on Me brings spiritual blessings, yet at times, you feel trapped by your limitations. Only the knowledge that I am with you keeps you out of the pit of despair.
Awareness of your need for Me is what creates a strong connection to my Presence. My power flows into you continually; It gives you strength to take the next step, strength to resist discouragement and despair, and strength to know me in intimate dependence. Only My Power can enable you to lie abundantly in the midst of your limitations. Your day-to-day perseverance , in dependence on me, is every bit as supernatural as an outright miracle. So please don't think that your difficulties signify lack of faith or lack of blessing .... They are means to help you stay on the path I have chosen for you.

Because you are My beloved child, I choose to bless you, but I bless you in ways that are unique to your needs and My design for you. Though the way before you may be steep and rocky, it is nonetheless the path of Life. This is where you encounter My luminous Presence - radiating Peace that transcends all understanding

This was an excerpt form a devotional book I love. And to be honest, have entirely forgotten about until the last few days. My general neediness is bringing about my deep-seated need and hunger for my Lord to bring about contentment in my heart. My need for some soothing of the soul..... my general overall need for the One who saves <3

I soooo very much needed this tonight. Its kinda funny in a way: I never question my God, yet find myself struggling with feelings of inadequacy and the feeling of being alone. Knowing full well that I am neither. Yet I feel guilty for feeling the way I do. I feel guilty that I get sad over not being married. Or being a mother. Or the fact that I live in this house... by myself... just me and Cupid ... and feeling completely aware of just how needy I really am.

But alas, God's promises never change. His love for me continues. His desire to hold my heart remains. His need to be strong when I am ever so weak still stands.

Its funny, really. People ask if I am ever angry with God. How could I be ? He gave me this life and everything in it. I am blessed to have what I do have, and have no real rights to what happens. I do, however, have the option of choosing His will over mine. really ? like there really is any other choice ...

I choose Him.
I choose Love.
I choose Peace that surpasses all understanding

In the meantime, God can deal with me and my heart how He sees fit. To mold and shape me into the woman He would have me to be. Weeding things out , and planting in some new things.
Again, weeding can be a painful process.
But, being purified by fire makes things new and beautiful ....

And I will take that any day.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Ice Camp 2012

Had a most amazing time with some of the youth in Elev8 this past weekend at our winter retreat, now known as Ice Camp. It was at Bair Lake Bible Camp in Jones, MI, and it was amazing. The entire feel of the weekend was great. The kids learned to embrace the "weird" withing, and to be honest, so did I. But I rarely make it away from anything involving elev8 without learning somethings my self. I enjoyed spending time with the kids and fellow leaders. Truly enjoyed getting to know the hearts of the girls this last weekend. We were able to share from the heart, and it amazes me how they open up when they feel they are safe and not judged. God is good and continues to grow in their lives.... and mine, too, I guess :)

Wednesday, January 18, 2012


I refuse to be controlled by my feelings.

I choose, instead, God's truth and unending love.

Guarding my heart and mind is feeling like a full-time job these days...

and I'm getting tired.

My mantra.... which I literally say to myself all day long :

God is good.
All the time, my God is good.
He knows the plans for me.... more than I can ever understand, that He has my life in His very capable hands.
Jesus, give me peace.
Jesus, give me peace.
Lord, fill me with your peace.
Help me to live in this day that you have given me.
Father, please give me peace to see beyond this moment.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Bucket List

I have a bucket list, BUT ....
my dog ate part of it a few months back, so I have some scraps of the wreckage formerly know as my bucket list.

It consists of many things.
Places I want go and explore.
Things I want to do and accomplish.
Things I want to experience, just so I can say, " hey!!! I did that !!!"

The list goes on and on, and as the days, weeks, and months go on, my list grows.

I am okay with my list growing. It means I desire to dare. Desire to be courageous.

I want to live a life without regrets, and a life without fear of failure.
Because what do I really need to be afraid of? People look at me and see a person that isn't afraid. That is daring. spontaneous.
I want to live up to that.
Not because its what others see and expect, but because it's what I want and NEED to see in myself.

I can do it, because I live this life once.
I have one life to make an impact on as many people as I can.
I have one life to LOVE like crazy.
I have only this life to let the Light of Life shine brightly through me.

So here are a few items on my list. No particular order, because I can only recall a few of them without looking at my ever-growing list ;)

Go to Alaska
Visit Ireland
experience the Philippines and meet the rest of my family :)
Change someones life
Be a radio DJ
Open my own bakery/cupcake shop
Go on a missions trip
ride the trolley in San Francisco
Marry the man God had made for me <3
Become a mother <3

again, this is just a fraction of my list, seeing as how my list grows with every passing day.
I won't consider it a failure if I don't accomplish everything on the list, although there are somethings on this list that I would love to experience sooner than later.
It won't be a failure, because if I continually work towards accomplishing this list, then my life is becoming more full. I will be impacting people along the way. I will be experiencing God's creation.

i think the most exciting thing of all is the anticipation on which ones i will get to cross of the list.
I am choosing to trust my Creator to guide me in this life, until I see Him in the next.
Scary, but exciting.
How can i not be excited for all that God has in store ?

This is good stuff, people :p

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Flying my Freak Flag

Just saw this on Pinterest.
Kinda' perfect timing, actually.

I know I am weird. random. silly. crazy, even. I am okay with that... because it is who I am. It's what I do. It's what makes me ME.

But sometimes, I feel like I should be different; change who I am. Change how I behave and act. Temper myself a bit. Calm down ...

Maybe if I did do that, things would be different. "good" different and "bad" different. I don't really know ....

Thoughts running through my mind as I battle the eternal enemies of self-doubt, self esteem, and growing up. People don't always understand that,though I may come across as a confident individual, that is not always the case. I doubt myself in many avenues of my life. I doubt my gifts.

Please don't misunderstand what I am saying .... I know I am the child of The King. I know I am blessed and highly favored. I NEVER doubt where I stand in Christ and my relationship with Him.
It's ALL on my end.
The evil one trying to steal my joy.
Dang him :/

The Good News: I am loved. I am me. I am an original, no matter how weird and crazy I am.

.... I just may develop a complex of sorts.

no. big. deal.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

uhhhmmmmm ..... yeah

way too many things running through my mind these days.

People, places, ideas. Funny things. Sad things. Complicated things. Exciting things.


One thing remains the same... apart from the constant sick feeling in my stomach :/

God loves me. He is looking out for me. He is guiding my life, and the lives of those around me, moment by moment.

other things running through my mind:

God is able.
He directs my path.
His love is like a hurricane, and I am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
Rich or poor, God I want you more than anything that glitters in this world...
His love endures~ FOREVER His love endures
Walk by faith not by sight.
I love you with an everlasting love

Most of these are bits from songs, seeing as how music <3 is my remedy .... but nonetheless, these are truths that I needed to hear... truths I need reminding of every second.

But each day the Lord pours His unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing His songs, praying to the God who gives me life ~ Psalms 42:8

Random, I know.
but I am random.
My thoughts are all over.
it's okay.
I know I am weird ;)

Friday, October 21, 2011

Doors and Windows

Doors and windows.

When they are open, you can see through to the next room. The wind blowing through the trees. Family and friends laughing. Someone pulling into your driveway. You can feels the cool autumn breeze blowing on your face. Smell dinner cooking away.The three little rabbits that live in your backyard eating your flowers. The smell of fresh cut grass.

When windows and doors are open, you have a glimpse into what is going on in the world around you. You can see whats coming at you.

When they are shut, you are closed off to things. From the crying baby in the next room. From the sound of your neighbor mowing his lawn. You can't see the weather shift outside. There is a lot you can't be apart of if both your doors and windows are shut.

I could go a few different directions with this one idea. But these are the thoughts that have been running through my head lately. The words "doors and windows" keep playing like a record in my mind. I hate it. But, at the very same time, it is reassuring. Comforting even.

We have all heard the saying that God never closes a door without opening a window. I know this phrase has truth to it. Never in my life have I been so desperate for God to open a window for me. I feel doors shutting all around me, and sometimes I feel like I might go crazy. But I know there is a window. And I am just going to have to trust in the fact that when the Lover of my Soul decides to open a window in this room I am in, that I will be able to walk to that window and breathe deeply. He is good like that .... ever faithful and true :)

I don't know where He is taking me. But He has me here. Now. In this moment. And He brought me here. What am I to do ?? Tell the God of the universe that He is crazy and doesn't know where He is going and what He is doing ??? Uhhhh ..... NO. I am not the one driving this car ....

In the mean time, Father God, help me to sit patiently in this room. Help me to remember that I am not alone in here.... that this is a waiting time for me. A time of rest, prayer, relaxation. A time to just sit under Your wings and let Your love pour over me. A time for you to shape me into the woman you would have me to be. Help my heart and mind let go of the things I need to let go of. Ease the pain of this transitional part of life. Increase my joy. Fill my cup untill it runs over. Remove anything that you find undesirablre within my heart.

Oh, biscuits ..... here we go :)