Thursday, January 26, 2012

Dependence on Him

My Power flows freely into weak ones aware of their need for Me.
So take heart: Though the journey your on is one of faltering steps, such steps of dependence are links to My presence.

Today you feel the journey more than usual. It's a challenge to take the next step- and all too easy to be aware of your neediness. Sometimes you get discouraged about your ongoing weakness. You know that dependence on Me brings spiritual blessings, yet at times, you feel trapped by your limitations. Only the knowledge that I am with you keeps you out of the pit of despair.
Awareness of your need for Me is what creates a strong connection to my Presence. My power flows into you continually; It gives you strength to take the next step, strength to resist discouragement and despair, and strength to know me in intimate dependence. Only My Power can enable you to lie abundantly in the midst of your limitations. Your day-to-day perseverance , in dependence on me, is every bit as supernatural as an outright miracle. So please don't think that your difficulties signify lack of faith or lack of blessing .... They are means to help you stay on the path I have chosen for you.

Because you are My beloved child, I choose to bless you, but I bless you in ways that are unique to your needs and My design for you. Though the way before you may be steep and rocky, it is nonetheless the path of Life. This is where you encounter My luminous Presence - radiating Peace that transcends all understanding

This was an excerpt form a devotional book I love. And to be honest, have entirely forgotten about until the last few days. My general neediness is bringing about my deep-seated need and hunger for my Lord to bring about contentment in my heart. My need for some soothing of the soul..... my general overall need for the One who saves <3

I soooo very much needed this tonight. Its kinda funny in a way: I never question my God, yet find myself struggling with feelings of inadequacy and the feeling of being alone. Knowing full well that I am neither. Yet I feel guilty for feeling the way I do. I feel guilty that I get sad over not being married. Or being a mother. Or the fact that I live in this house... by myself... just me and Cupid ... and feeling completely aware of just how needy I really am.

But alas, God's promises never change. His love for me continues. His desire to hold my heart remains. His need to be strong when I am ever so weak still stands.

Its funny, really. People ask if I am ever angry with God. How could I be ? He gave me this life and everything in it. I am blessed to have what I do have, and have no real rights to what happens. I do, however, have the option of choosing His will over mine. really ? like there really is any other choice ...

I choose Him.
I choose Love.
I choose Peace that surpasses all understanding

In the meantime, God can deal with me and my heart how He sees fit. To mold and shape me into the woman He would have me to be. Weeding things out , and planting in some new things.
Again, weeding can be a painful process.
But, being purified by fire makes things new and beautiful ....

And I will take that any day.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Ice Camp 2012

Had a most amazing time with some of the youth in Elev8 this past weekend at our winter retreat, now known as Ice Camp. It was at Bair Lake Bible Camp in Jones, MI, and it was amazing. The entire feel of the weekend was great. The kids learned to embrace the "weird" withing, and to be honest, so did I. But I rarely make it away from anything involving elev8 without learning somethings my self. I enjoyed spending time with the kids and fellow leaders. Truly enjoyed getting to know the hearts of the girls this last weekend. We were able to share from the heart, and it amazes me how they open up when they feel they are safe and not judged. God is good and continues to grow in their lives.... and mine, too, I guess :)

Wednesday, January 18, 2012


I refuse to be controlled by my feelings.

I choose, instead, God's truth and unending love.

Guarding my heart and mind is feeling like a full-time job these days...

and I'm getting tired.

My mantra.... which I literally say to myself all day long :

God is good.
All the time, my God is good.
He knows the plans for me.... more than I can ever understand, that He has my life in His very capable hands.
Jesus, give me peace.
Jesus, give me peace.
Lord, fill me with your peace.
Help me to live in this day that you have given me.
Father, please give me peace to see beyond this moment.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Bucket List

I have a bucket list, BUT ....
my dog ate part of it a few months back, so I have some scraps of the wreckage formerly know as my bucket list.

It consists of many things.
Places I want go and explore.
Things I want to do and accomplish.
Things I want to experience, just so I can say, " hey!!! I did that !!!"

The list goes on and on, and as the days, weeks, and months go on, my list grows.

I am okay with my list growing. It means I desire to dare. Desire to be courageous.

I want to live a life without regrets, and a life without fear of failure.
Because what do I really need to be afraid of? People look at me and see a person that isn't afraid. That is daring. spontaneous.
I want to live up to that.
Not because its what others see and expect, but because it's what I want and NEED to see in myself.

I can do it, because I live this life once.
I have one life to make an impact on as many people as I can.
I have one life to LOVE like crazy.
I have only this life to let the Light of Life shine brightly through me.

So here are a few items on my list. No particular order, because I can only recall a few of them without looking at my ever-growing list ;)

Go to Alaska
Visit Ireland
experience the Philippines and meet the rest of my family :)
Change someones life
Be a radio DJ
Open my own bakery/cupcake shop
Go on a missions trip
ride the trolley in San Francisco
Marry the man God had made for me <3
Become a mother <3

again, this is just a fraction of my list, seeing as how my list grows with every passing day.
I won't consider it a failure if I don't accomplish everything on the list, although there are somethings on this list that I would love to experience sooner than later.
It won't be a failure, because if I continually work towards accomplishing this list, then my life is becoming more full. I will be impacting people along the way. I will be experiencing God's creation.

i think the most exciting thing of all is the anticipation on which ones i will get to cross of the list.
I am choosing to trust my Creator to guide me in this life, until I see Him in the next.
Scary, but exciting.
How can i not be excited for all that God has in store ?

This is good stuff, people :p